What They Never Told You About the Facts of Life

1. You started swimming and doing back flips:

A. When your mom was 6 months pregnant
B. 6 weeks
C. 8 months
D. Forget the back flips, you can't even do a good belly-flop

2. If you kept growing all 9 months as fast as you did during your second month, you would have been born as big as:

A. Arnold Schwarzenneger
B. An M-1 tank
C. A pair of overfed elephants

3. When did you most likely feel pain for the first time?

A. When they cut your umbilical cord
B. When your mom was 9 weeks pregnant
C. After your first lunch in the school cafeteria
D. Not long after your doctor asked, "Would you like him circumcised?"

4. By the time your mother found out she was pregnant, you were:

A. A tiny speck smaller than the period at the end of a sentence
B. A miniature human with arms, legs and a heartbeat
C. A ball of cells the size of a marble

5. Your mother says you started to kick and poke her:

A. 3 months into the pregnancy
B. At 4 months
C. Never mind when you started, when are you going to stop?

6. 5 months into the pregnancy you got a lot of hiccups because:

A. Your mom was pigging out on pickles, ice cream, pizza and sardines
B. You swallowed amniotic fluid
C. Your diaphragm was being formed
D. You couldn't find a bag to put over your head

7. Before you were born, your skin was:

A. As wrinkled as a California Raisin
B. As waxy as a statue from Ripley ~ Believe It or Not museum
C. Both of the above

8. When did you start using your brain?

A. When your mom was 8 months pregnant
B. When she was 40 days pregnant
C. If you still haven't started using your brain, go on to the next question

9. When was the color of your hair determined?

A. At conception
B. 3 months into the pregnancy
C. Only your hairdresser knows for sure

10. 5 months before you were born, your heart pumped enough blood every day to:

A. Overflow a coffee mug
B. Fill half a tank of a Firebird
C. Fill an olympic size swimming pool.

11. When did you first start looking like either a boy or a girl?

A. The seventh month of pregnancy
B. The end of the second month
C. When the doctor announced to your parents, "It's a..."

12. If your mother smoked while she was pregnant, you may have been born:

A. Overweight and overdue
B. Underweight and premature
C. With yellow teeth and a nagging cough

13. How premature can a baby be born and still survive?

A. 1 month early
B. 2 months early
C. 4 months early

14. When did you begin to look like your mom and dad?

A. When your mom was 6 months pregnant
B. When your mom was 4 months pregnant
C. Who cares when it happened-does anybody know a good plastic surgeon?

Answers (read on...)